'So, you're all probably wondering why I gathered you all here today!' 'The safe haven, right? You promised.' 'Shh-! Vacuum! I'm getting there! Let me build suspense, y'know?' 'Is this thing really legitimate? I left my entire wire-selling business for this. You better not be another scam artist.' 'I promise you, Spotlight, this is the real deal. No predators, no rats, not even grass grows here! Look, it's all red. Under your feet.' 'Besides, if you don't believe me, then maybe you'll at least believe my spouse, Baptismal Font. You'll love them, I promise.' 'They've been living here for over a month while I went to gather folks to share with us and nothing bad's happened to them yet! I knew when I found this place that I had to take them here.' 'Besides, you're free to leave whenever you please. I didn't charge you to come here, and I won't charge you to stay.' 'This is what I've always wanted. It's dangerous out there, trying to pay your way through life, all while avoiding predators and the cold.' 'But here, we can escape that. We can start anew. No money, no advertisements, no fighting, no rats. It's safe here.' 'That's what a nerd would say.' 'Oh hush, Telegraph. Who wants to see the place?'
